What is giving you life right now??

I went to a special taping of an upcoming Oprah Super Soul Saturday event in September and so grateful for the chance to go. This event came a week after Chris left for Spain and a few days after I lost my part time job of 8 years! It wasn't that easiest week for me, so this event couldn't have come at a better time. I spent that day with special people at my side attentively listening to the amazing guest speakers Oprah had put together for us- Brene Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert, Michael Beckwith and some other new favorites for sure. They each had a different and inspiring theme to talk about but which all resonated with me one way or another. Some of those themes included:

• Living your life with Intention- Oprah
• Marble Jar Friendships, vulnerability and what BRAVING really means- Brene Brown
• The Science of Happiness- Its a choice people
• How following your curiosity will lead you to your passion- Elizabeth Gilbert
• How failure is just information to change your course- Oprah's wise words

And there were so many other motivational themes of self awareness to swallow up and process...and so many necessary for me to hear at this time in my life.

I was ready and took notes in this special little book I had received from the Oprah website a few years back. I had never used it waiting for the right moment and this was it. So each speaker had its page as I transcribed every possible word I could that I wanted to remember. 

I have been trying to process and take all this information since that day and find a way to implement it in to my present life. I have also since that day, been 'TVOing' Oprah's show "Super Soul Sundays" in which she talks to other motivational people. And I was so inspired to take notes at the live event that I am now also taking notes as I watch these shows to continue to take in any information I can use to help me live a wholehearted life.

One of her Super Soul Sunday guests was Rev. Barbara Brown Taylor. An American Episcopal priest, professor, author and theologian. She spoke on many things regarding spirituality and what it means to her but she also spoke on embracing your darkness. Your darkness could be anything to you, as big or as little of a situation or state of being you might be in. This concept peaked my interest especially because she mentioned how much we are socialized to avoid darkness in our life. She felt that when we embrace those "dark moments in our life we need to take 3 breaths and learn to sit in this darkness" because these are the moments in which we can learn the most about ourselves. The dark doesn't necessarily have to be bad.  Talk about a change in perspective...Wow!

Anyways, so I started to think- I could have always considered this time in my life a possible moment of darkness- my first born is out of the house, an empty nest beginning, and I was also now looking for a new job- Uggh!  However, as she said that I realized that these are the moments in which I have already began to embrace to learn and grow from.

She asked the viewers at one point a question that inspired me to write this post:
"What is giving you life right now?? and What is saving you at this moment?"

I have to say that as I heard her ask the question, I felt like it was directed right at me and I immediately began to write my answers:

The things that are giving me life right now are:

• Finding a way to send Chris away to school and to Spain is giving me life. I know that we're not supposed to necessarily live through our kids, but hey, I can't deny that yes I am and it fills my heart. I may not be there with him to him experience any of it, but just knowing that we are giving him that chance to experience people, places and things that we never had a chance to do gives me immense life. It really is giving me purpose to live and work really hard and in turn to enjoy and appreciate my own life.

• Finding (or re-finding) my career path. Its funny how things work. I was lucky enough to have been able to work from home for the past 8 years, but it was time to move on and the universe knew it. So it closed my doors in one area and its proving to be opening up a few more for me in areas I hadn't even thought of pursuing until now.  In the last few month I've found a few new opportunities to get back into the accounting field which is what I actually graduated in. I've found a few freelance positions as a bookkeeper and I've jumped in head first and I'm loving it.  

•  Working again is actually giving me a chance to get fully reacquainted with my accounting education and skills that have laid somewhat untapped for the last few years and at the same time expand my knowledge as technology has become an integral part of the accounting process these days. Its giving me life because with each passing day I am regaining confidence in my capabilities and skills and its helping me to "Dare Greatly" by pursuing some new ventures that I would have never considered if I didn't try and put myself out there like this.   I'm very excited!

• The chance to feel comfortable in truly trusting God. It has not been easy to let go and let God when it comes to giving my boys wings and independence. But having no choice but to hand that faith over has been a big lesson for me the last few months. I am learning to be more comfortable in my faith and more importantly feeling very grateful for that trust in God that has been the cornerstone to how I've been able to deal with all these changes. 

 In regards to "what is saving my life at the moment?"

• Working outside of the home- Again, I have a new purpose and something to keep me busy, mentally active and even grateful for the tiredness its producing, and something to look forward to doing. I realize now that I was getting a little too comfortable working from home and wasting more time than being productive.
• Slowing down- Its kind of an oxymoron, but now that I am actually a bit busier because of work, I have actually had to slow down in others to plan out our days, our lunches, dinners, grocery shopping, etc. It in turn has somehow given me more energy and time to do a few other things because I have to make every minute of free time count- aka.a lot of multi-tasking and it still feels crazy sometimes, but I'm getting things done. Its amazing to see how your home life figures itself out just when you think it will be out of control.
• My friendships - All my friendships lately, especially the ones who are going through similar changes, have truly been there for me right now to hear me out, to understand my tears, to encourage and support me when I need that the most. They've made for some quality coffee times together!!
• My family- I can't begin to express just how much Jerry and my boys are my rock right now. When I miss Chris the most, feel sad or the most tired they're the ones who are there to lift me and feed my soul and keep me going.

Anyway, its been a few months and I haven't really had a chance to write, but I felt like I had to get this down for me to remember. The last few months have been emotionally and spiritually impactful all in their own good way and its a point in time in our lives I will never forget. I feel like these last few months have come with their own sense of smell, touch and feelings and have produced their own group of memories to recall in the future. I truly appreciated the way Rev. Barbara Brown helped me change my perspective that night. I feel like I've been able to make a moment of possible darkness" into a moment of much "light" and that has felt like its own kind of accomplishment for me.

Have yourselves a wonderful weekend.