Hello there again!!! Long time no blog!!! :]
I am going to start off by saying that I HATE that this seems to be becoming the norm for my blog and myself. I start off real strong at the beginning of the year and then I don’t end up blogging again until the end of the year. However, to my credit (I’m trying hard to justify this), that I have a collection of unfinished blog posts in Word that were started and just could never get to complete and posts, and you will hopefully understand why. Some of you have been nice enough to personally tell me and encourage me to get back to my blogging because you enjoy what I have to say, and to all of you I apologize for that. I have finally found some inspiration these last few days,and I hope you'll enjoy these next few posts. So I find myself with the overwhelming task of having to recap my year that was soooooo full of MOMENTS that I can’t begin to tell you.
But, I guess I can try…in 2 parts?...We'll see, so here we go....
Well, I guess I should start off by telling you that soon after I picked my word “MOMENTS” last year, and looking forward to what that might bring, I was faced with a multiple of moments all wrapped up one big moment that I, along with my family, didn’t expect to have to deal with. Between March and June we went through finding out we were pregnant (Surprise!), going through the shock and realization that we were going to be starting over with the baby process, fully accepting and welcoming said new baby, to alarmingly finding out quickly that something was wrong, and then losing our baby (although it was at an early stage), and then going through a tubal ligation to close up this chapter in my life. I apologize for my candor but at this point it is what it is... Crazy?? VERY!!!
You can only imagine all the details that took place in between, but hopefully you’ll understand the lack there of, and why it might have been hard to write about this at the moment it was happening. Let me assure you that I am ok and at peace with what has happened and that alone was a journey I had to take to find it.
But more importantly after all was said and done, I looked back at all the moments I had during this difficult life process.
I had the moment ….
When I realized I was 39 and pregnant again, and scared to death that I was not going to be capable to handle all of what came with that.
When I realized just how precious a gift of a child is.
When I realized that after much hope and prayer that this baby boy was truly not meant to be with us in this lifetime. We now have a little angel in heaven watching over us.
When I realized that this happens to many women and it was of no fault of mine
When I realized that I had 3 very special and beautiful boys to be sooo thankful for and never had any problems with.
When I realized that I have a very special family and friends who were there for me in many and all ways during this time. And That I have a special brother who mourned with me like no one could.
When I had to realize that we had to choose to no longer be physically able to have another child and be ok with it because that’s what was going to be best for us.
When I realized that God puts people in the same paths as yours, and yet sometimes provides different outcomes and even though we may not understand why right now...there is always a reason.
When I realized that God put this in our midst to learn from it, and to make us that much stronger of a family.
When I realized only again that God never gives you more than you can handle and when times are tough, He never leaves your side.
When I realized that because of that… How much stronger of a person and a woman I am than I ever thought!!
Wow! Now that was cathartic! I wish I could have done this sooner! LOL!
But yet maybe this was supposed to be the right time to write about this. I guess it just matters that I do.
To be continued my friends.....Part 2 coming up soon.....
Happy New Year 2011!!