Monday, March 7, 2016

So this is being 45...

So I just turned 45, and I am happy to be here. Some people may have a hard time with their age, but I can honestly say I can own it. I don't feel the need to shy away from my age because lets face it-
It is what it is! Instead I am grateful to have these years under my belt, and its always a good chance to reflect and be honest with this reality.  I really don't know what this number means in the scope of the big picture, but thankfully, my age has always truly just been a number.

However, 45 came with a few extra things...

New emotions mixed in with some old,

New anxieties and some laid to rest,

Confidence built for somethings, but some walls built up for others

Feelings of strength and yet feeling my most vulnerable

More independence and yet feeling the most connected to home

Skills gained and brain power renewed

Full of love and pride for all that's been accomplished

Celebrations and living through the eyes of another

Full of gratitude for all our blessings

Reflections on the last year, and wondering about the next 5 towards 50

Physically, 45 even came with...

Some body changes. I'd like to say some good, but nope- let's just say they're changes

Much more blurriness and the constant need for 4 eyes

Some extra warmth when I should be cooled off, and vice versa

The need to stretch on a daily basis or out comes the heating pad

The ability to shed a few extra tears more so than usual at ANY moment...Yes, lovely

Its an interesting age. I just got here, but I'll be figuring it out.

Only the next year will tell how it will be.

But for now and for me... This is being 45.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Faith...My One Little Word 2016



Most of you know that I pick a word (or a phrase) every year to base my year's intentions on, and this year was no different. I always look forward to the process of either picking it or having it pick me.

My phrase last year, letting go, served me very well from the beginning to the end of 2015. I felt connected to it all the time, and honestly as a parent, I think this is one of those phrases that will forever linger along with me as I deal with life situations. Therefore, I really felt like it went hand in hand that 'Faith' would be the word I would naturally transition to. 

"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” 
Simply put, the biblical definition of faith is “trusting in something you cannot explicitly prove.”

In letting go I had to learn to hold on hard to my faith. My faith in God and faith in the universe that all would be ok in any situation we faced together. I feel like I've always had a strong faith, but in all honesty, there are always moments where my faith tends to waiver out of shear fear.  I have had to learn how to  redirect those fears and hand them over to my faith...not always the easiest thing for me to do. Having said that though, my faith has also grown immensely and I've learned to trust and feel comfortable within my faith.

The picture above is my Instagram post of the day when I knew Faith would be my One Little Word for 2016.  It practically slapped me in the face as it picked me in the most obvious of ways. This picture was taken of boat being towed by car that was stopped ahead of us at a very random stoplight the day that we got the call from Chris (we knew would come one day) telling us that he was going to start traveling on his own. 'Dear God, oh no, here we go,' I thought. 

Long story short, in a failed attempt to be strong and positive about Christian's travel plans, I began to fill my head with doubt and tears full of fear began to spill as we drove. Already praying for comfort with my head down, and Jerry holding my hand in reassurance, we came to a halt at a light. As I raised my head in reaction to stopping, what is the only thing that catches my eye??  This cute little yellow boat's name- nothing other than... FAITH!! 

What??!! Omg. I immediately knew that was meant for me. The tears stopped, my heart jumped, and I excitedly told Jerry to look at the name and he agreed.  The message just couldn't have been louder to me than that- A boat, named Faith, that in itself being so symbolic. So I said out loud to myself-  'Yes, ok. I get it Captain. Loud and clear! Thank you!

It was His way of telling me to believe, to understand that He knows where/how He is guiding me, to trust, to have faith in Him. I need this word more now than I ever have. The letting go has continued and is only getting harder so this is not just my word for the year, but it will be need to be the corner stone of my existence, my saving grace to keep going in spite of my fears and doubts and worries.

And aside from its spiritual context, this word also has a lot more meaning to me. Its about having faith in many other areas of my life:

Faith in Jerry/my boys
Faith in our marriage
Faith in our parenting
Faith in me   
Faith in my abilities to work, to do my job and do it well
Faith in my creative capabilities, my writing, my talents
Faith that my family and I are where we are supposed to be
Faith in that I will find a place in a bigger picture one day and succeed
Faith in that I have people, who love, support and believe in me and who I am
Faith that I am enough

I'm so grateful for this word and the way it came to me so clearly. For me, faith is all of this put together and definitely "the assurance in all things hoped for."

Have you found your word for 2016 yet or has it found you?

From my little corner to yours...have a great day!