Sunday, January 18, 2009
To Be ...
One of the reasons why I decided to do this blog is because its one of the things I've felt inspired to do so. I have spent the last few years trying to figure out a few things in my life and one of those has been to find things that I can call my own or to expand on the interests/talents I already have or find some new ones. My role has been of wife and mother and I've found myself on auto pilot for a while and had lost sight of doing things that I like or doing things for me, but more importantly I had lost the inspiration to do so.
So lately, I've realized that there are people in my life that inspire me in many ways. To mention all of them would be impossible, but let's just say that they inspire me because of who they are, what they are like, what and how they do things, how they live their lives or how they choose to see things.
And in essence I would love to be like all of these people in one way or another, but ultimately, I know that I wont, can't and should never be exactly like anybody else but myself. I need to embrace those things that these people inspire me with, but find what is true for me and my world. I suffer a lot from the "grass looks greener" syndrome and sometimes don't realize that what seems to work so perfectly for someone else, just would never work or be the same way for me and what I do. But I think we all do that, right?
I'm always so afraid that what I will do or say will never compare to those "perfect" people and their said brilliance, but what I need to realize is that what I will do, make or produce in this life is a product of my efforts and no one else and that in itself should be brilliant and make me proud and maybe, just maybe in turn, THAT will inspire somebody else. Fathom that!
So in saying all of this I have been inspired to write, even its just a blog, but its a chance to practice and maybe make it better over time.
I've been inpsired to take on photography like my dad did (the DNA is showing up) and use a great camera and all its creative functions to take pictures that show how I see moments and things in my mind.
I have been inspired to dance, like I've always wanted to, and prove that its not too late for me. I am taking a tap class and will be performing (OMG!) in June. I told Jerry (my husband) that once I did that I can die happy, although, I realized that I still have to fulfill my dream of going to London one day.... THEN, I can die happy, really happy!!
I have also been inspired this year, with the thought of getting close to turning 40 (2 years to go, but why not start now), that its time I start not to care soooo much about what people might think of me or have it affect me like it does. Those that know me are saying "Amen, Sandy!" Its always been something that crutches me and as I look back, I realize it has held me back from doing many things in my life because "God forbid," somebody would say something bad, or laugh or just didn't like what I did. I'm not saying, "to hell with everybody's opinion," either, because I don't think that would ever be possible for me (its just not in my nature), but I guess its just a matter of pulling back like I said before, from it affecting me, my mood, or my decisions as much as it has before and learn to just do things because I like them or geez, maybe just because they make ME happy!! Wow!
And of course, I will forever be inspired to be a better mother and wife, a better daughter, a better Christian, and the best person I can possibly be. I am inpsired to be grateful for all that I have... and all that I don't. Maybe its just not the right time for those things and that time may or may not come, but there is a reason for it.
I needed to start if this blog off like this to remind even myself of what I'm trying to concentrate on this year and to keep that inspiration kindled in the corner of my heart. I hope you take the time to find what inspires you and that you take the steps to make those things happen in your life.
Smiles from my corner to yours,