Wednesday, May 13, 2015

My head space…where its at and where its not

I haven’t really said all that much in the last few months, I know. But honestly, it’s been ok. I feel like I needed a break. I was feeling rushed, pressured (by my own doing) to get stuff written and posted just because, and I never do my best work that way.  Handling both blogs (English and Spanish) was also taking a small toll on me and I hate not giving my all to either one. I love writing… in both languages, but I feel like it needs to be organic and it needs to come to me when I’m ready.  Not to say that some of my best writing hasn’t come from impromptu moments, but my head hasn’t been there lately for anything to come naturally or prompted for that matter.   

So instead of getting myself down with what I’ve been calling “creative guilt” (that guilt of wanting to be a perfectionist, guilt that comes from feeling like I can’t keep up) I began to relax and embrace the fact that I am just in a different head space right now, a different place in my life right now altogether...and that’s ok. It’s more than ok.

I keep mentioning that there’s a lot happening this year and there are things that have needed much more of my attention lately. We’ve successfully ventured through some new experiences. It’s been stressful in so many ways but its turning into one of the most exciting years for all of us in one way or another.  This year is going to be the one that takes each one of us places we’ve never been, outside of the box- literally, physically and emotionally. It’s been especially rewarding and I’m looking forward to much more. 

So I am taking this time to just be me right now.  To be Sandy- the mom, the wife, the daughter, the friend and whatever that may mean for me and my loved ones in the moment.  I’m enjoying being in the present and not necessarily worrying about documenting or having to share every single moment.  It’s not that I don’t want or that I’m not going to but I’m realizing that not every story may necessarily be my story to tell either.  I’m learning to respect those boundaries outside of my own perspectives. I feel like I’m learning so much about myself period. What’s working and what’s not…more or less? That maybe it’s ok to be a little bit more reserved with what memories I want to keep for myself. And that maybe I’m still sharing but just doing it differently, more privately rather than publicly. And that’s ok too.

And as much as I’d like to keep up creatively, again, I’m being as creative as I can be- in my own way, in different ways, and I’m totally enjoying those moments when I feel I’ve discovered some new way to express myself. I’m glad to say that I am successfully working on catching up on my Project Life for 2014/2015, I’m taking lots of pictures (maybe even improving), I'm creating, I'm crafting, I’m baking, I’m cooking (a lot), and hopefully soon, I will be writing more too.  And when I do, as long as I know that it’s coming from a sincere and honest place (like right now), it will all be good. No pressure. It will just be me sharing my life with you.

I hope you'll continue to join me and Thanks for stopping by.

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